Skip to main content

Practice Communication in your Marriage

Most couples believe they need better communication skills and that would change their relationship for the better. They claim that they either argue because of misunderstandings or that one or the other don’t discuss their problems openly.

Communication (or lack of it) is often NOT the problem
Most couples have re-hashed issues over and over and they know what their partner’s position is. The issue is often that they do not accept the partner’s position and are “trying” to get them to change to see their side. And we know how that usually goes; right? It does not happen.

So often communication problems will boil down to “they are not listening to me or they would change their behavior”; or “they don’t care enough about me to change”. Neither of these thought processes are helpful to building and sustaining a fabulous relationship.
Breakdowns in communication are often the way in which each partner successfully maintains a balance of power.

Power and control issues usually exist when partners feel like what they value is being threatened. They generally are not assuming a self-empowered position when this happens. When there is a balance with both assuming self- empowered positions, communication can then become a bridge rather than a barrier.
Have you ever heard yourself or your partner say, “If you would just do it my way there wouldn’t be a problem”? When there are disagreements about what is happening in your relationship, it is just as important to focus on how the communication process is managing the blending of two worlds, as what needs to be said. Mutual respect is not conveyed in just words. Without mutual respect any communication is wasted time and effort.
Often power and control issues in relationships are occurring for very important reasons and therefore are emotionally charged.
Whether emotions are expressed or not, they are usually a driving force that often makes conflicts more deeply entrenched.

Some things to remember in your communications:
* Stay calm and well grounded in your own body and emotions. Sometimes that means delaying the conversations until you can be non-reactive. We have all had conversations with loved ones that escalated because we did not practice this type of communication.

* Practice respect and mutuality - It’s not “your way or the highway” if you truly desire a more loving relationship with your partner. One obvious way respect and mutuality occurs is being an active listener without a rebuttal to what your partner is saying. One thing that is very helpful is to get curious about what your partner is saying; i.e. “I’m curious about what you just said; and I don’t totally understand. Can you tell me more because I really want to understand you better?”

* If you do react, slow down, take a deep breath and notice what is happening and how you are feeling in your body before you continue talking. It is essential that we pay attention when we react. These reactions are indicators of those underlying beliefs about our world and ourselves. When we catch ourselves “behaving badly” this is powerful and can change the communication on a dime.


Popular posts from this blog

Strategies which Determine Your Parenting Plan

The Parenting Plan is the parental agreement setting out how the children will be cared for between separated parents. Most broadly, it stipulates the residential arrangement and how decisions shall be made affecting the child. The parenting plan may also include agreements with regard to extra-curricular activities, education, faith and health. If there are particular needs or wants by either parent or regarding the child specifically those can be included too. Essentially, the Parenting Plan is the road map that separated parents will follow for the raising of their kids. The objective in detailing a Parenting Plan is to provide as smooth a parentingpath to follow as possible so your children can enjoy a meaningful relationship with both parents to achieve a good developmental outcome – be a well rounded person who gets along with others and is successful in life. While some parents may fret the details of the plan, the most important determinant to how well children of separ

Ways in which a Perception Of Someone can Be Defined By How Other People Describe Them

There are times when one will meet someone without knowing anything about them and then there are other times when this won’t be the case. In this instance, one will have heard about the other before person they have even met them. When this happens, one can feel as though they already know the other person, and even though they haven’t met them, they may feel the need to behave in a certain way. And the way in which they behave can all depend on how the other person describes them. First Impression This can mean that their first impression of the other person won’t be formed through being in their presence; it will be formed through listening to what other people say. It then might not matter how accurate their descriptions are, as one can believe they are finding out what someone is like. However, if one hears what other people have to say and then decides to come to their own conclusion, they might be able see for themselves. But, this doesn’t mean they won’t

Vital Ways to Be Your BEST In Your Relationships

We often strive to create healthy and satisfying relationships . But sometimes, despite how much we may try, we're unable to do so.  When this happens, here are four things we can do to bring our best selves to our relationships, and in turn, bring about the positive change we seek. Get to Know Yourself . To be your best self in your personal relationships you need to develop your awareness of yourself.  What do you value?  What do you dream of?  What are your strengths?  Where are the skills you want to exhibit?    When we ask ourselves these kinds of questions we grow our awareness of ourselves and we can use that awareness to create relationships that are beneficial for everyone involved.  Sometimes our personal relationships hit a rough patch. When this happens, your awareness will clue you into how you might be contributing to the difficulty at hand and whether or not that relationship should be maintained.  Love