Skip to main content

Can Toxic Shame Make you Feel Lonely?

While someone can be by themselves, it doesn't mean they will end up feeling lonely. This is similar how someone can be around others and still end up feeling as though they are by themselves. What this shows is that it can all depend on how one feels in their own company, and how they feel in the company of the people they are with. The ideal with be for one to be able to be by themselves and around others without feeling as though they are cut-off. An Important Need Human beings are interdependent, and this means that they need others. For instance, one's sense of self it not something that exits in isolation; it only exists through the mirroring that other people give them. If they no longer receive this external feedback, their sense of self would begin to disappear, and they would probably end up going mad. This doesn't mean that one needs to be around others all the time; it means that they will need to spend time with them. True Self But if one is unable to be themselves, and they end up wearing 'a mask', it is not going to be possible for them to feel connected to others. And it won't matter if they are around people who encourage them to play a role or not. In this case, they might find that it is only possible for them to be 'real' when they are by themselves. Yet, as they are unable to be real around others, they are not going to able to receive what they need from them. Lonely If they were able to receive the support that they need when they are around others, there will be less chance of them feeling lonely. This is because their needs will be met by others, and they won't be in a position where they have to hide their true self. When their true self goes into hiding around others, the people they spend their time with are going to meet the needs of their false self. As a result of this, it won't matter how long they spend around others; as they are still going to feel lonely. Two Roles Someone could be an extravert or they could be an introvert, but it won't matter. How many friends someone has or how often they go out might have no effect whosoever on how connected they feel to others. If someone is unable to reveal their true feelings and needs, it is not going to be possible for them to feel connected to others. Being around others might remove some of the pain they feel through feeling cut-off, but it won't do much else. Regulation For example, if one was to take part in some kind of exercise in order experience inner peace, they might feel more at ease once they have finished, but it won't be long until they feel the same. This shows that it is not that they are experiencing peace; it is just that they have regulating how they feel for a short time. And although one will feel slightly better through being around others, they are still going to be in a position where their true self is not being seen. The pain that is removed through being around others is then supplanted by the pain that is created through having to hide around them. Trapped So as It is then not possible for them to be themselves, they could end up feeling as though there is nowhere for them to turn. It might not matter how big their familyis, how many friends they have, or whether they are in a relationship. On one side they desperately want other people to acknowledge their true self, but on the other side, it is not something they feel comfortable with. What this shows is that although they are experiencing pain thorough hiding, they believe that it would more painful to reveal themselves. Confusion This is not necessarily something they think about at a conscious level, but it is going to the outlook that defines their behaviour. There are going to be people who don't feel the need to wear 'a mask', and this could be how their life has always been. If they were to open up, and to share what is taking place with another person, they might be met with confusion. The other person might wonder why they feel the need to hide themselves, and this could cause them to question why they have this outlook. Flawed As they begin to get in touch with how they feel, they may feel as though they wouldn't be accepted if they were to reveal their feelings and needs. And as their true self is not acceptable, it is only possible for them to survive through having a false self. One is not going to believe that they have a right to exist, and that they are a valuable human being; they are going to feel as though they are worthless. Other people will be seen as having something they don't have, and this is because they feel as though they are inherently flawed. Toxic Shame What this shows is that one is carrying toxic shame, and unlike healthy shame, this it has no purpose. And as one feels as though there is something inherently wrong with them, it is going to be normal for them to hide themselves. Their whole being will have been infiltrated, and it this will have caused them to be disconnected from their inherent worth. However, although one may have become accustomed to living in this way, there is a reason why this is how they experience life. Childhood There is the chance that their childhood was less-than nurturing, and this would have meant their needs were rarely, if ever, met. Instead, they may have abused and/or neglected. During these early years, it wouldn't have been possible for them to realise that there was nothing wrong with them. How they were treated would have been seen as a reflection of their worth, and not a reflection of their caregivers own issues. Awareness In order for one to feel connected to others, and to no longer hide their true self, it will be important for them to let go off their toxic shame. On one side, this will involve facing how they feel, and on the other, it will be important for their inherent worth to be affirmed.


Popular posts from this blog

Strategies which Determine Your Parenting Plan

The Parenting Plan is the parental agreement setting out how the children will be cared for between separated parents. Most broadly, it stipulates the residential arrangement and how decisions shall be made affecting the child. The parenting plan may also include agreements with regard to extra-curricular activities, education, faith and health. If there are particular needs or wants by either parent or regarding the child specifically those can be included too. Essentially, the Parenting Plan is the road map that separated parents will follow for the raising of their kids. The objective in detailing a Parenting Plan is to provide as smooth a parentingpath to follow as possible so your children can enjoy a meaningful relationship with both parents to achieve a good developmental outcome – be a well rounded person who gets along with others and is successful in life. While some parents may fret the details of the plan, the most important determinant to how well children of separ

Ways in which a Perception Of Someone can Be Defined By How Other People Describe Them

There are times when one will meet someone without knowing anything about them and then there are other times when this won’t be the case. In this instance, one will have heard about the other before person they have even met them. When this happens, one can feel as though they already know the other person, and even though they haven’t met them, they may feel the need to behave in a certain way. And the way in which they behave can all depend on how the other person describes them. First Impression This can mean that their first impression of the other person won’t be formed through being in their presence; it will be formed through listening to what other people say. It then might not matter how accurate their descriptions are, as one can believe they are finding out what someone is like. However, if one hears what other people have to say and then decides to come to their own conclusion, they might be able see for themselves. But, this doesn’t mean they won’t

Vital Ways to Be Your BEST In Your Relationships

We often strive to create healthy and satisfying relationships . But sometimes, despite how much we may try, we're unable to do so.  When this happens, here are four things we can do to bring our best selves to our relationships, and in turn, bring about the positive change we seek. Get to Know Yourself . To be your best self in your personal relationships you need to develop your awareness of yourself.  What do you value?  What do you dream of?  What are your strengths?  Where are the skills you want to exhibit?    When we ask ourselves these kinds of questions we grow our awareness of ourselves and we can use that awareness to create relationships that are beneficial for everyone involved.  Sometimes our personal relationships hit a rough patch. When this happens, your awareness will clue you into how you might be contributing to the difficulty at hand and whether or not that relationship should be maintained.  Love