There are nine important benefits of high self-worth and when we apply these we will truly create more fulfilling relationships. Here is a brief overview of all nine. There is much more that can be said but this will give you an idea of how you can transform any relationship from stress and conflict to happinessand fulfilment.
1. Clarity about What you Deserve
With high self worth you know what you deserve and there is no guilt in claiming that. You respect yourself, and certain behaviours and conditions become your bottom line. For example, you will get clear about how you deserve to be spoken to, and anything less than that shows a lack of respect.
It is not about being a prima donna. It is about honouring the Divine life within you. The deservability covers every area, so you may need to look at all areas and decide what it is that honours and respects you, the other person, and the relationship.
2. Strength to Act on that Clarity
Awareness without action is simply awareness. Once you have the clarity, what are you prepared to do about it? This takes strength that also operates at many levels. There is the strength to look honestly at what is going on, the strength of self-belief involved, the strength to stay clear and true with what you have decided.
Strength is a benefit of raising self-worth, so be careful of getting caught in the belief that you don’t have enough strength and therefore cannot make any changes. Strength comes with raising self-worth, so engage in that and you will find strength emerging all by itself. Strength is an expression of your true nature.
3. Courage
Courage is required when you become aware of what needs to happen in your relationship. It takes courage to face your fear, to risk rejection, to change ingrained patterns, to stand up to someone, to be vulnerable and to stand firm in your convictions.
Where does this courage come from? It already lives within you and it will flow out as you raise your self-worth. Sometimes you may need to make tough decisions which require courage. This is the invitation your relationship holds out to you.
4. Willingness to Grow and Change
The only way to transform a relationship is to grow and change. When self-worth is low change can be scary because it threatens the frail sense of self that does exist. Growth becomes too threatening. As self-worth rises you naturally accept the need to grow and change because you become aware of your own personal beliefs and patterns that are not honouring you or the relationship. It is now empowering and liberating to grow and change.
5. Self-honesty and Openness to Feedback
This is the flip side of the willingness to grow. You learn what to change by being honest with yourself and looking squarely in the mirror that the relationship is holding up to you.
It takes strength, courage, honesty and humility to admit, “Yes, I am partly responsible for this stress or argument, and I need to take responsibility for changing it.” This attitudeimmediately lifts you out of victim thinking and blaming, and allows completely new possibilities in your communication and ability to resolve issues.
Those with low self-worth often resist this position with the mistaken belief that it means making yourself wrong, or becoming a doormat, or something similar. Far from it. You are growing up, taking responsibility, empowering yourself, and making changes that honour your magnificence.
6. Ability to Let Go and Forgive
In most arguments you will find that both people are dragging in accusations about how the other one was last week, or what they did in the last argument, and so on. As long as you hold on to everything the other person says and does as fuel for your argument you remain stuck. The other person is probably not setting out to make you unhappy or to hurt you. He or she is just as stuck in their unhappiness and does not know how to change. When you hold the past against someone and bring it out as a weapon you will immediately make them defensive.
With high-self worth you go beyond blaming and it becomes a joy to let go and forgive. This does not mean being naive. Nor is being forgiven a licence to carry on with the same dysfunctional behaviours. Letting go is an act of trust and respect, and each person needs to prove themselves worthy of that trust and respect.
7. Self-Responsibility
This is included in the strength and courage to make changes but I include it as a distinct benefit. The way of mastery in every endeavour is complete self-responsibility. When you accept that you are responsible you become ready to find and act on new options. You are willing to take the journey into self-awareness and freedom.
8. Focus on What is Possible
There is a very direct relationship that plays out at both ends of the scale. Low self-worth focuses on what is wrong and blames that; high self-worth focuses on what is possible and commits to achieving that.
This is so accurate that it is like a litmus test. As soon as you hear someone complaining about what is wrong and who is to blame then you know their level of self-worth, and vice versa.
9. High Authenticity
The combined outcome of all the above is a high level of authenticity. High self-worth means knowing who you are and what you deserve. It shows you how to be authentic, and highlights how a lack of authenticity sabotages your relationships and your whole life. Growing self-worth means becoming authentic.
This then leads us to the greater purpose of relationships, which I define as the yogaof relationships. Here we move past the demands that the other person meet all our personal needs and move into fulfilling what the relationship is all about.
1. Clarity about What you Deserve
With high self worth you know what you deserve and there is no guilt in claiming that. You respect yourself, and certain behaviours and conditions become your bottom line. For example, you will get clear about how you deserve to be spoken to, and anything less than that shows a lack of respect.
It is not about being a prima donna. It is about honouring the Divine life within you. The deservability covers every area, so you may need to look at all areas and decide what it is that honours and respects you, the other person, and the relationship.
2. Strength to Act on that Clarity
Awareness without action is simply awareness. Once you have the clarity, what are you prepared to do about it? This takes strength that also operates at many levels. There is the strength to look honestly at what is going on, the strength of self-belief involved, the strength to stay clear and true with what you have decided.
Strength is a benefit of raising self-worth, so be careful of getting caught in the belief that you don’t have enough strength and therefore cannot make any changes. Strength comes with raising self-worth, so engage in that and you will find strength emerging all by itself. Strength is an expression of your true nature.
3. Courage
Courage is required when you become aware of what needs to happen in your relationship. It takes courage to face your fear, to risk rejection, to change ingrained patterns, to stand up to someone, to be vulnerable and to stand firm in your convictions.
Where does this courage come from? It already lives within you and it will flow out as you raise your self-worth. Sometimes you may need to make tough decisions which require courage. This is the invitation your relationship holds out to you.
4. Willingness to Grow and Change
The only way to transform a relationship is to grow and change. When self-worth is low change can be scary because it threatens the frail sense of self that does exist. Growth becomes too threatening. As self-worth rises you naturally accept the need to grow and change because you become aware of your own personal beliefs and patterns that are not honouring you or the relationship. It is now empowering and liberating to grow and change.
5. Self-honesty and Openness to Feedback
This is the flip side of the willingness to grow. You learn what to change by being honest with yourself and looking squarely in the mirror that the relationship is holding up to you.
It takes strength, courage, honesty and humility to admit, “Yes, I am partly responsible for this stress or argument, and I need to take responsibility for changing it.” This attitudeimmediately lifts you out of victim thinking and blaming, and allows completely new possibilities in your communication and ability to resolve issues.
Those with low self-worth often resist this position with the mistaken belief that it means making yourself wrong, or becoming a doormat, or something similar. Far from it. You are growing up, taking responsibility, empowering yourself, and making changes that honour your magnificence.
6. Ability to Let Go and Forgive
In most arguments you will find that both people are dragging in accusations about how the other one was last week, or what they did in the last argument, and so on. As long as you hold on to everything the other person says and does as fuel for your argument you remain stuck. The other person is probably not setting out to make you unhappy or to hurt you. He or she is just as stuck in their unhappiness and does not know how to change. When you hold the past against someone and bring it out as a weapon you will immediately make them defensive.
With high-self worth you go beyond blaming and it becomes a joy to let go and forgive. This does not mean being naive. Nor is being forgiven a licence to carry on with the same dysfunctional behaviours. Letting go is an act of trust and respect, and each person needs to prove themselves worthy of that trust and respect.
7. Self-Responsibility
This is included in the strength and courage to make changes but I include it as a distinct benefit. The way of mastery in every endeavour is complete self-responsibility. When you accept that you are responsible you become ready to find and act on new options. You are willing to take the journey into self-awareness and freedom.
8. Focus on What is Possible
There is a very direct relationship that plays out at both ends of the scale. Low self-worth focuses on what is wrong and blames that; high self-worth focuses on what is possible and commits to achieving that.
This is so accurate that it is like a litmus test. As soon as you hear someone complaining about what is wrong and who is to blame then you know their level of self-worth, and vice versa.
9. High Authenticity
The combined outcome of all the above is a high level of authenticity. High self-worth means knowing who you are and what you deserve. It shows you how to be authentic, and highlights how a lack of authenticity sabotages your relationships and your whole life. Growing self-worth means becoming authentic.
This then leads us to the greater purpose of relationships, which I define as the yogaof relationships. Here we move past the demands that the other person meet all our personal needs and move into fulfilling what the relationship is all about.
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