Living a guilt-free life is much easier than you might think at first.
It's a quick and simple matter, once you've made your mind up to it. There are five basic way to rid yourself of guilt feelings, once and for all.
Live your own good life, however you might define that.
You know you have certain deeply felt values that are important to you, personally. These are not your Mom's values and not your country's values and not your religion's values, but your own. Now granted, they might be influenced by your Mom or country or religion or someone else, but when it comes right down to it, there are some things that just do, or don't, feel right for you.
If you learn to recognize what those are, and then do them (or avoid the
m, as the case might be), you'll find that nearly all of your guilt disappears in a quick whisper of €should€. For example, your Mom might say, €You should eat breakfast every day!€ but you know that eating before 10:00 in the morning makes you feel sick, so don't let her €should on you€ like that. Likewise, the same is true for country or religion or friends or anyone else who tries to tell you what to do. Don't let others €should€ on you, and don't €should€ on yourself, either.
In fact, as you develop this skill, you will find it is greatly entertaining to you to tell other people, €don't should on me!€ and watch their alarmed look slowly turn to amusement as they realize what you actually said, compared to what they thought you said, and also what they've done, and how kindly you've called it to their attention.
Learn how to say €no.€
This is a tiny little word, short and sweet to say, and there is no need to feel bad about learning to use it strategically. It's much better to just say €no€ right from the beginning, instead of pretending you want to do something, or worse yet, agreeing to do it and then later backing out. That leaves you feeling guilty about being unreliable and the other person annoyed at having to adjust plans at the last minute.
There are many polite ways to say no, such as €No thanks€ or €Not this time€ or €Ask me again another time€ or even the popular €I have other plans.€ Even if your other plans are just to take a shower and go to bed early with a good book, those are still your plans, and they are important to you. If you are new to using the Power of No, you might find it helpful to practice in front of a mirror several times, especially before meeting with someone who you expect might ask you to do something you don't want to do.
Practice feeling and being €good enough.€
Many flavors of guilt boil down to thinking you don't measure up to someone else's standards, or your own standards in a particular situation, but people tend to set unrealistically high standards in many situations, which practically guarantees failure, leading to guilt feelings. If you are considering writing a letter to your Representative, or your grandmother for that matter, and you can't quite find time to sit down and write a full page of completely well-thought-out comments and concerns, there are many other things you could do that are good enough, instead.
A quick postcard or email to your Representative gets your opinion across just as well, and is faster, easier, and cheaper to send. It is good enough. A phone call to your Grandmother will certainly be better than no communication at all, so don't let lack of stationary or stamps prevent you from contacting her soon, especially if she's a bit older. You just never know when something could happen, after all, and a phone call is good enough. Less is actually more, in most situations, because the smaller the things you decide to do, the more of them you can do, and soon you'll be able to stop beating yourself up with guilt about how much you have not achieved, because you'll be too busy enjoying all the tasks you did complete, after all.
Stop lying to yourself.
Here are some common lies you may have heard other people say or even told yourself. €It looked so good, I couldn't resist€. Yes, you could have resisted, but you decided not to. €I can't afford it.€ Yes, you probably can, but you'll have to decide between that and something else. Which do you want more? €You made me do it.€ No, they didn't. You did that bad thing yourself, so admit it first, and then stop doing it, next.
When you lie to yourself, whether big or small, you're being emotionally abusive to yourself, which automatically makes you feel bad twice - you'll feel bad about whatever the problem is, and then again the second time for the lie. Once you start telling the truth, it's powerful. Just as one lie leads to another, and leads you downward into darkness, one truth leads to more truth, and brings up you into the light of your new life.
Finally, try again.
Don't make a lame excuse and give up. If you feel guilty that you ate that first cookie that you didn't plan to, then stand up right now and put the rest of the bag away or take the cookies to a friend as a gift. Better yet, if you are seriously trying to lose weight, throw the rest of the cookies in the trashcan immediately. It is not a sin to throw away cookies! Try it once and see how free you suddenly feel.
If you are late to arrive at work, that's no reason to be late to the next meeting, too. For your goal of being punctual, try again! If you yelled at your child after school, that's no reason to be cranky all night. Go for a walk or spend 30 minutes alone in your room collecting your thoughts or take a long shower or call a friend to vent or read your child a book - do something, anything, to change the flow in your life and try again.
Stop guilty feelings in their tracks by telling the truth to yourself about the life you really want and who you are really are. Toddlers are quite able to use the Power of No, and it's fine for adults to use that, too, to protect themselves from unnecessary burdens. You are powerful and can have great influence on what happens in your life, so keep trying until you achieve your goal of guilt-free living.
It's a quick and simple matter, once you've made your mind up to it. There are five basic way to rid yourself of guilt feelings, once and for all.
Live your own good life, however you might define that.
You know you have certain deeply felt values that are important to you, personally. These are not your Mom's values and not your country's values and not your religion's values, but your own. Now granted, they might be influenced by your Mom or country or religion or someone else, but when it comes right down to it, there are some things that just do, or don't, feel right for you.
If you learn to recognize what those are, and then do them (or avoid the
m, as the case might be), you'll find that nearly all of your guilt disappears in a quick whisper of €should€. For example, your Mom might say, €You should eat breakfast every day!€ but you know that eating before 10:00 in the morning makes you feel sick, so don't let her €should on you€ like that. Likewise, the same is true for country or religion or friends or anyone else who tries to tell you what to do. Don't let others €should€ on you, and don't €should€ on yourself, either.
In fact, as you develop this skill, you will find it is greatly entertaining to you to tell other people, €don't should on me!€ and watch their alarmed look slowly turn to amusement as they realize what you actually said, compared to what they thought you said, and also what they've done, and how kindly you've called it to their attention.
Learn how to say €no.€
This is a tiny little word, short and sweet to say, and there is no need to feel bad about learning to use it strategically. It's much better to just say €no€ right from the beginning, instead of pretending you want to do something, or worse yet, agreeing to do it and then later backing out. That leaves you feeling guilty about being unreliable and the other person annoyed at having to adjust plans at the last minute.
There are many polite ways to say no, such as €No thanks€ or €Not this time€ or €Ask me again another time€ or even the popular €I have other plans.€ Even if your other plans are just to take a shower and go to bed early with a good book, those are still your plans, and they are important to you. If you are new to using the Power of No, you might find it helpful to practice in front of a mirror several times, especially before meeting with someone who you expect might ask you to do something you don't want to do.
Practice feeling and being €good enough.€
Many flavors of guilt boil down to thinking you don't measure up to someone else's standards, or your own standards in a particular situation, but people tend to set unrealistically high standards in many situations, which practically guarantees failure, leading to guilt feelings. If you are considering writing a letter to your Representative, or your grandmother for that matter, and you can't quite find time to sit down and write a full page of completely well-thought-out comments and concerns, there are many other things you could do that are good enough, instead.
A quick postcard or email to your Representative gets your opinion across just as well, and is faster, easier, and cheaper to send. It is good enough. A phone call to your Grandmother will certainly be better than no communication at all, so don't let lack of stationary or stamps prevent you from contacting her soon, especially if she's a bit older. You just never know when something could happen, after all, and a phone call is good enough. Less is actually more, in most situations, because the smaller the things you decide to do, the more of them you can do, and soon you'll be able to stop beating yourself up with guilt about how much you have not achieved, because you'll be too busy enjoying all the tasks you did complete, after all.
Stop lying to yourself.
Here are some common lies you may have heard other people say or even told yourself. €It looked so good, I couldn't resist€. Yes, you could have resisted, but you decided not to. €I can't afford it.€ Yes, you probably can, but you'll have to decide between that and something else. Which do you want more? €You made me do it.€ No, they didn't. You did that bad thing yourself, so admit it first, and then stop doing it, next.
When you lie to yourself, whether big or small, you're being emotionally abusive to yourself, which automatically makes you feel bad twice - you'll feel bad about whatever the problem is, and then again the second time for the lie. Once you start telling the truth, it's powerful. Just as one lie leads to another, and leads you downward into darkness, one truth leads to more truth, and brings up you into the light of your new life.
Finally, try again.
Don't make a lame excuse and give up. If you feel guilty that you ate that first cookie that you didn't plan to, then stand up right now and put the rest of the bag away or take the cookies to a friend as a gift. Better yet, if you are seriously trying to lose weight, throw the rest of the cookies in the trashcan immediately. It is not a sin to throw away cookies! Try it once and see how free you suddenly feel.
If you are late to arrive at work, that's no reason to be late to the next meeting, too. For your goal of being punctual, try again! If you yelled at your child after school, that's no reason to be cranky all night. Go for a walk or spend 30 minutes alone in your room collecting your thoughts or take a long shower or call a friend to vent or read your child a book - do something, anything, to change the flow in your life and try again.
Stop guilty feelings in their tracks by telling the truth to yourself about the life you really want and who you are really are. Toddlers are quite able to use the Power of No, and it's fine for adults to use that, too, to protect themselves from unnecessary burdens. You are powerful and can have great influence on what happens in your life, so keep trying until you achieve your goal of guilt-free living.
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